Fairy Godmother Donna Noble Style
by Stephy-Lou Clark-Weasley
Summary: AU. the Doctor's new companion, Reinette does not please his four companions, when the four of them get banned from Jack's party Donna sets out to play fairy godmother, Rose being her Cinderella.


**Author's Note: this is my Secret Santa for...Vicky! Merry Christmas everyone!**

Once upon a time, in a blue box in a far away place (not sure where we are today, as far as I know it could be Earth to Clom) lived an idiot with two hearts called Space-Boy...well that wasn't really his name, his name was the Doctor but Space Boy was something I like to call him.

Along with Space-Man, Time-Boy, Space-Dumbo, Idiot, Moron, Doofus, Little Hyperactive Brat That Needs to Stay Away from My Chocolates, Space-Wanker...actually if I tell you all of them we'll be here at Christmas...in 2035, and sorry but I have better things to do.

Primarily saving the universe with said Space-Moron, Dr Martha Jones, Rickey – I mean Mickey – and Space-Moron's girlfriend (though he won't admit it) Rose.

Now anyway back to the story, the Doctor was a lonely man (yeah my arse) he had lost his planet and people but he continued to travel and help save people, one day he made a grave mistake...

He saved a French whore.

Now I don't mean to be mean...oh who the fuck am I kidding? Yes I'm being purposely mean, Madam De Pompadour, while clever and beautiful only got where she was because she opened her legs for a man...and somehow Space-Boy finds that attractive.

And he wonders why I call him an idiot every morning.

Right anyway back to the mistake, what he did was leave his four loyal friends, leave? That's putting it nicely, the mother fucker abandoned us on a spaceship in the fifty-first century on a flipping white horse (I kid you not) leaping into a mirror to save a whore. He was lucky that the whore was selfish enough to want her childhood fireplace moved into the palace.

Then the idiot had to go back and bring the whore on board and I'm pretty sure into his bedroom though I don't really want the details of his sex life. See the thing is I'm pretty sure I would get along with Reinette...there's just one incy wincey problem...

She's an utter two-faced bitch. And yeah usually I can get on rather well with those people, after all my best friend was Nerys. But this two-faced bitch has insulted my friends, constantly and only when the Doctor isn't around...when the Doctor is around she just patronises us instead. One day, one day me, Mickey and Martha are just going to attack her, gag her and hide her in a cupboard, I'm pretty sure the TARDIS would help.

Rose won't though. She's given up.

It wasn't like Rose to give up, she had always fought for the Doctor, fought for me, fought for Martha, for Mickey, for Jack...though why I don't know he was the one that went off and flirted with a married woman, he deserved to get eaten for that.

But Reinette had beaten her, it took me awhile (and Rickey the Idiot) to realise. When Rose was younger she fell in love, dropped out of school and ran off...only to get her heart, ego and a couple bones broken...i made that bastard pay for that...oh don't worry he's still alive...unfortunately. anyway the point is despite what Rose acts like her confidence was always low, the Doctor built it up but seeing Sarah Jane had knocked it back a bit and when the Doctor promised that he was never going to leave her (never mentioned us for some strange reason) he went off and brought himself a blonde, very accomplished whore...now Rose isn't Rose.

Now me, Mickey and Martha spend night after night, day after day just trying to get this girl to eat properly, sleep properly, not jump in the way of a rampaging alien...

One day, Jack called us down to Cardiff, said there was a dance coming up...to celebrate his anniversary of being in Torchwood, something UNIT wanted to organise since Jack did a lot of work for them as well.

And guess what Reinette wanted banned from this dance?

That's right, me, Martha, Mickey and Rose. Like that was going to happen, oh but the Doctor agreed...thinking that we all had plans and that we all hated Jack (what the fuck? How the hell did he land on that conclusion? Just because I slapped Jack a couple times...). Well I was not going to take that...

So this is how, I Donna Noble, played Fairy Godmother.

Ok you can stop laughing now.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"There you are, my favourite ladies" Captain Jack I-Like-to-Shag-Every-Being-in-the-Universe Harkness drawled as he stood there looking completely perfect and gorgeous leaning against the library doorframe.

"Hello Jack" Martha said blushing lightly as she looked up from her medical book. Martha like all women (and men) is easily charmed by Jack...even though she is in a relationship with Mickey, why I don't know since they're total opposites.

"Oi, what about me?" Mickey piped up from behind his comic (you see?). "You say hello you to the girls but not me"

"I said my favourite ladies" Jack pointed out with a glint in his eye...oh I so know where this is going to end. "That's you as well"

"OI!"

We all laughed, and for the first time I saw Rose looking cheerful. "Oh I missed you" she said running into Jack's arms.

"Missed you too sweetheart. I missed you all in fact, even Donna's slap happy ways" Jack said pressing a kiss on Rose's forehead.

"Oh ha, ha, ha, very funny" I said dryly before turning back to my book.

"So you're all coming to my anniversary party right? It won't be any fun without you four" Jack said excitedly.

"We've been banned" I said flatly turning the page over.

"What? Why?" Jack asked in confusion.

"Because they are common" we (me, Martha, Mickey and Rose) flinched at the sickly sweet sound of Reinette, who was standing there all prim in her usual puff gown. "Two of them are not of God's coloured skin, one is a common little shop girl that doesn't even though how to dress properly, a child really. And the other..." she trailed off when she saw me. Her lip curled. "I'm not sure the other is even suitable for a peasant party let alone a ball for a captain"

"Why you little-" I hissed getting up to launch myself at her when Martha and Mickey grabbed hold of my arms and pulled me back.

"Reinette" Jack said coldly.

"Captain, so good to see you again, I have enjoyed our last encounter, maybe we shall...dance again" Reinette said flirtatiously while looking at Rose in distaste who was huddled up in Jack's arms.

"No thank you, I got better offers" Jack said glaring at her. "And they are coming to _my _party"

"I'm afraid I have already convinced the Doctor otherwise" Reinette said calmly not blinking an eye at Jack's death glare...brave girl...or very stupid. "I've also have him giving the TARDIS strict orders to not let them out of the doors, for their own safety of course. Well I best be getting ready. Farewell Captain Harkness, we shall speak later at the ball, save a dance for me"

Reinette walked off with her head held up high while I snorted in disgust. "Should have known you slept with her Harkness" I said.

Jack shrugged. "She wasn't that great, besides I was after the king and he wouldn't say yes to me unless she was there. Now the king he was a fantastic lover" I rolled my eyes while Mickey and Martha laughed and Rose muffled her giggles. "I can't see why the Doc would take her on board though" Jack said shaking his head.

"Easy, because he's an idiot" I said calmly.

"Donna you think anyone with a cock is an idiot" Mickey pointed out.

"True" I agreed. "Apart from Ianto...but I'm sure he's gay...and Jack has proven he was so I was right" Jack looked smug but I flipped my hair at him and turned to Rose. "We can't let Reinette get away with this"

"She's not that bad" Rose shrugged. "Just too old fashioned"

"Rose she's a two-faced bitch who wants to shred her competition" I exclaimed.

"So why aren't you two friends then?" Jack asked with a grin.

"Shut up Harkness" I growled. "That woman thinks she can wind my best idiot round her little finger and get us treated like shit, well I'm not letting her. Tonight I'm going to play fairy godmother"

"Oh yeah and whose the Cinderella?" Mickey asked. "Not me or Martha I hope"

I stared at him with my usual flat, unimpressed face that I use for the Doctor...a lot. "And you wonder why people call you an idiot?" I said causing the poor bloke to blush. "I'm talking about Rose you pillock"

"Me!" Rose cried out. "Why me? I'm not anything"

"Rose don't you get it?" I snapped. "Reinette is so ready to tear you down because she knows you're a threat. You were Bad Wolf, a goddess; she's just a mistress to a king (and not a very good king if you ask me). The Doctor adores you, not like me or Martha or Mickey or Jack, but adores you in a total different sense, just because he won't say it or do something doesn't mean I don't know that he loves you. Now we are going to go to Jack's party or my name isn't Donna Noble"

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"Oh come on Mickey I'm sure you don't look that bad" Martha shouted over her shoulder. I bit my lip to suppress my smirk; she didn't know what costume I got him. Martha turned back to face the mirror and worked on her make up as I continued to do her hair. "What's Mickey's costume again?"

"Just wait and see" I said letting my smirk grow.

"I have to say Donna, these costumes are fantastic. Where did you find them?"

"TARDIS gave them to me" I said calmly. "She's refusing any orders the Doctor has given her, in fact I think she's the reason Reinette's hairdryer blew up and set her hair on fire last week"

"I thought that was you" Martha gasped.

"Martha I don't even know how to change a flipping fuse!" I cried out.

"I know that's why I thought it was you"

I rolled my eyes, I may be a bit mean and cunning but that didn't mean I was a pure evil genius who can make hairdryers set people's hair on fire. Honestly people need to get more thinking done! I silently finished putting the rose in Martha's hair perfectly, I picked out a Spanish dancer outfit, something to make her look exotic and gorgeous...like she already is, god I wish I had her looks instead of working too damn hard for mine.

Mickey then came out glaring at me, I couldn't resist but laugh.

"Hello Mickey Mouse" I got out in between chuckles.

"I hate you" Mickey muttered as he fiddled with one of his large black ears.

"Be grateful that I didn't pick out the Minnie Mouse costume" I said sniggering.

"See you're taking the fairy godmother thing to the whole extent" Mickey said nodding at my costume.

This was a pale pink puff ball with matching wings, my hair curled into ringlets with a silver tiara on. I crossed my arms and glared at him. "I'm Glenda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz"

"No you're the fairy godmother" Mickey said. Held up my wand menacingly but he kept laughing and humming bibbity babbity boo from Cinderella under his breath...so I poked my wand into his eye. He deserved it. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, Donna that hurt" Mickey whined.

"Oh quit yer whining and sit down so I could put your makeup on" I snapped. "Now here's the deal, we can get in, have a time of our life...but we have to be out before midnight"

"Don't you think you're taking the fairytale a bit too far?" Martha asked.

"Who said anything about the fairytale? At midnight Owen has a stripper coming out of the cake for Jack, I don't want to be there to see it"

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

The party, or the ball as Reinette liked to call it was nothing what Reinette was hoping for...which I have to say that itself was a good laugh for me. Actually it looked like a rather good party with convincing costumes, shame it isn't Halloween...i wonder how many people got pulled over by the police for making children cry. Seriously the majority of people here are dressed up in convincing alien costumes...aliens that they themselves have defeated, rather good make up I have to say.

The music was loud and was constantly pounding, the lights flashed in different colours and Owen was the DJ...dear god how desperate was UNIT...then again it's not like they can hire proper companies and explain why everyone is dressed like a pepper pot or metal man or a rat from the Cardiff sewers...no wait that's Owen without his mask on. Speaking of DJ Twat, I have to ask him a question.

"Oi! DJ Twat!" I shouted.

"Ginger Spice! You made it!" Owen shouted gleefully helping me up onto the platform. "Love the pink puffball what are you, the fairy godmother?"

After 567890000 fights, most of them ended with me slapping Owen, the two of us get on rather well, in fact I consider him as a brother, not a close one like Space-Idiot but a brother none of the less.

"No I'm Glenda the Good Witch from Wizard of Oz" I snapped. "What are you? A pile of shit?"

"I'm a weevil, Tosh helped me with my mask" Owen said making a fake growl, I laughed.

"I need you to do me a favour hon" I said.

"Depends, what is it?"

"I need you to put a slow track on and a spot light on that door" I said pointing to the door.

"Why, you're not going to do a strip for Jack or something are you?!" Owen yelped, I slapped him. "Donna! That hurt!"

"No I'm not going to do something despicable like that" I snapped ignoring his whine. "Please do it, not for me but for Rose"

"Yeah all right" Owen said gruffly. "What track do you want?"

I thought carefully, I needed something beautiful, something that basically tell the Doctor to wake up and smell the coffee beans...nope can't think of anything, then I looked at Owen, another idiot who has a perfect woman for him and he never pays her attention...and I figured one out.

"Hallelujah by Jeff Berkeley would do" I said with a smile.

"Sure thing Ginger" Owen said with a wink and he changed the track, and flickered the spotlight onto the door. "So what exactly is Rose do..."

I can't blame him for trailing off, Rose looked absolutely gorgeous, I should know I picked out everything. She was wearing a beautiful white and ice blue embodied bodice with large layered white skirt, her blonde hair was held back with sparkling diamond rose clips and she wore a white mask with matching ice blue roses embodied in...The mask covered half of her face, leaving only her lips to view, which I painted red.

I am an artist, aren't I? I closed Owen's mouth and picked up a napkin and wiped it. "You got a bit of drool there hon" I said laughing. He looked embarrassed and annoyed.

"You did all that?" he asked and I nodded. "Blimey, find me a girl like that and I'll do whatever you ask" he muttered.

I rolled my eyes and spotted Tosh sitting just below the DJ platform in a conversation with both Mickey and Martha and I smirked with the idea. "All right" I said sweetly, before pushing Owen off the platform and into Tosh's lap. "fairy godmother grants all wishes" I said cackling as I ran off to find where Rose has gotten off to, last I saw before Owen distracted me was Ianto asking her to dance...like planned.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

I felt an arm wrap itself round my waist and I shuddered as I heard Jack's voice in my ear, his hot breath fluttering against my neck, goddamn I have to stop reacting like this whenever he does this! "So fairy godmother, if I'm a very good boy will I get a girl as well?"

"Sorry Immortal-Boy you're stuck with me" I said pulling away, Jack's grip on me tightened.

"Goodie" he muttered and strangely enough not sarcastic.

I think he's drunk.

"Have you seen Rose or the Doctor or Reinette anywhere?" I asked.

"Doc has danced with Rose for ages, in fact they went to get some fresh air outside, I think Reinette went off with one of the UNIT officers...or maybe it was Rhys I can't remember"

"Fat lot of use you are" I muttered.

"Oh I'm very, _very _helpful Donna Noble, maybe I can just show you how" Jack said his voice thick with innuendo.

I peered at the clock, it was almost midnight and Jack will have his hands full of stripper soon so definitely no point in me staying. "Sorry Jack, no can do, however I did see that tree eye you up"

"Oh so it is, I better say hello" Jack said staggering across towards the potted palm tree his hands reaching out...yeah maybe we should ban Jack from drink the future.

I turned round and literally walked into Mickey and Martha who were clinging tightly to one another while sucking faces...urgh. "Hem, hem please reframe from doing that for the next fifteen minutes, when you're in your own bedroom. Come on we're leaving"

Mickey looked flushed and embarrassed, nodded and then looked wide eyed. "What is Jack doing to that pot plant?"

"I don't even want to think about it Mickey" I said refusing to turn round. "Come on lets go"

The three of us ran when we heard Owen announce the cake...then shout at Jack to stop molesting that pot plant.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

I woke up with a headache, all right I have to admit that I did drink a bit...i let out a groan and headed towards the kitchen for much needed caffeine and maybe some Pringles, I got a craving for Pringles. As I headed to the kitchen I can hear some shouting coming from the console room and went to explore, there stood Reinette in her usual puffball gown looking wonderfully beautiful...the lucky cow and absolutely furious, hmm I wonder why? While the Doctor looked exhausted, Rose looked a mixture of fear, nervousness and tiredness and Jack looked rather smug (good night with the pot plant?) and amused.

"Look Reinette, it's not that I don't like you" the Doctor blurted out. "I admire you for your intelligence and bravery...but quite honestly you have been mean to my friends, my TARDIS and well...even me. Also this never could last for long, I had to bring you back to your timeline before you started to get wrinkles and grey hair"

"I do not understand why I have to leave now, just because the Captain said-"

"That you're beginning to look a bit ill?" Rose finished off. "Reinette...you do look a bit peaky, in fact you have for weeks, and I think that was why you had been...rude. You're ill, you got to go back to Paris and..." she looked for Jack and the Doctor for some support, neither would say anything...probably too terrified.

"Die" I finished off. Everyone turned to look at me. "Reinette, I can't say I like you, quite honestly you pissed me off, ordering us about, banning us from places, saying nasty comments to Rose, just because you thought she was competition. Sorry hon she never was, she won yonks ago. Now listen here why don't you be a good little French tart and go home and let your king look after you"

"Why you insolent child" Reinette shrieked, raising a hand to slap me.

Which I ducked and then raised my fist giving her a good right hook...knocking her out as well. "Oh I've been wanting to do that for days" I muttered. "Who wants a cuppa?"

Jack and Rose quickly raised their hands up.

"Good then, come with me, Space-Dumbo, clear out that trash pronto and I'll pull out that banoffee pie for you"

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"I've been an idiot" the Doctor confessed to me late that night as I laid back flipping through my magazine.

"Tell me something that I don't know Space-Boy" I said bored.

"I'm really sorry Donna, I just got caught up in the excitement of Reinette that I forgot the most important people in my life, my best friends, my TARDIS-"

"And your girlfriend" I finished off.

"I don't have a girlfriend!" the Doctor squeaked.

"So what do you call a girl, who you take out to see the universe, snog regularly, eye up constantly and love...far too much if you ask me" I said rolling my eyes.

"I call her Rose" the Doctor answered.

"Ha! You admit it, you love Rose!" I shouted pointing a finger at him while I did a victory dance. "And Jack said you wouldn't; now I can have that fiver!"

The Doctor merely groaned and buried his head into my pillow. "I was better off alone, no one to torment me and tease me and let me make stupid mistakes"

"Not my fault you asked French whore out, besides if I stopped you making mistakes how the hell would you learn?" I asked then I grinned. "Oh well it's all over now, everyone lives happily ever after"

"They do?" the Doctor said looking confused.

"Oh yeah, Wicked Stepmother is gone back to France, the Prince Space-Idiot has Cinderella, the Fairy Godmother has a date with Captain Harkness next week and the so called Stepsisters are shagging like bunnies next door" I said knowingly.

The disgusted look on Space-Boys face was enough to set me off in hysterical laughter again, I heard him sigh and leave as I continued to howl in laughter.

Happily ever after indeed. It won't last for long, not with out track record.


End file.
